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 Mother and Father clash

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Mlwcjw
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PostSubject: Mother and Father clash   Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:21 am

I work full time and he stays at home.
Obviously there was a time before I had a job and I was a single, stay-at-home mom. He never helped. He wasn't there for pregnancy, labor/delivery, and now he's a full time parent. He's not as attentive as he should be and he doesn't parent the way I do. He apparently smacked my oldest son for hitting his brother. How can he teach him that hitting is bad if he hits him to show him that hitting is bad? He was even talking about it to my family at Michael's birthday party this past weekend and it just makes me so upset. He doesn't keep things clean and neat or washed. He doesn't even make actual meals for my kids. How can I communicate with him to make him see how IMPORTANT this is?!
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alien_babe2300
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PostSubject: Re: Mother and Father clash   Tue Jul 10, 2012 8:55 am

Have you sat down and discussed with him the different disciplining options? Explain to him that you want to do things one way and he wants to do things another and ask if you can sit down together to come to some mutual agreement that you're BOTH happy with.

After all, he may be the one staying at home as the primary carer but you're both the parents and you both need to be happy with the choices for raising your children.

When you say he doesn't make actual meals for them, do you mean they just snack all day without clear cut breakfast/lunch/dinner times? Or does he not give them all the nutrition they need in the meals they get?

It'll be very difficult to approach these issues without him thinking you're nagging or talking down to him.

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Mlwcjw
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PostSubject: Re: Mother and Father clash   Tue Jul 10, 2012 9:13 am

They have cereal for "breakfast" whenever he decides to give it to them lunch can consist of anything from a jelly sandwich to HOT DOGS to hotpockets or pizza. I have told him hitting isn't going to show them anything and to think about it from their perspective: how would he feel if I smacked him in the face? Would he feel like listening to me and be understanding in what he did was wrong or would it just make him more upset? I've told him he's not setting a good example. Michael even hits the dog! We have a timeout station (the dreaded playpen!) and I've been told time out is one minute for every year that they are (Cailen is immune to timeout, and Michael shouldn't be "locked up" for more than 2 minutes after he calms down) but he usually just puts him in there for either very extended periods of time or just lets him climb out with no repercussions. There's no stability! He's even called me for advice "he won't stop chewing on this what do I do" and I've answered "pick them all up and put them in the other room for 15 minutes or so. When you give them back if he does it again take them away again" and he has told me it's "too much effort"! He doesn't listen to anything and wants this all to be easy but it can't be and it's not.
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Heyy
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PostSubject: Re: Mother and Father clash   Tue Jul 10, 2012 9:53 am

Ive got a lazy one too- god bless him and I love him to the moon, but L-A-Z-Y. Rolling Eyes If I am not going to be here for a meal, I have to make it ahead and tell him it's in the fridge or he'll just give them crackers and poofs. You might try doing the same- whatever you make them for dinner, make enough for the kids for lunch the next day that only needs reheating. Hide the Jelly and Hot Dogs (Or stop buying them! lol) and put fruit in their place.
As for discipline, you two need to figure out where your boundaries lie with each other- and it sounds as though he's crossed one or two of yours! Lay it out- tell him you are against hitting, and be very clear that he does not have your permission to hit either of YOUR children. Then open a discussion about co-parenting and discipline. Ask if there is anything specific he doesn't want to see happening, or DOES and it is not happening. Reassure him you guys are in this together, and that you will have this discussion again, MANY times over the years, because that's what good management teams do-
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Charlotteb24
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PostSubject: Re: Mother and Father clash   Tue Jul 10, 2012 5:44 pm

Sounds exactly what it was like this end when my OH used to be the stay at home parent with Noah when he was a baby. Minimum effort all the time and when he got too much he would out him in the cot for a nap and leave him to cry!! We used to live on site at the hospital I work at so I used to come home from work on y lunch break and find Noah screaming. He wouldn't cook him food so like heyy said, I used to make it all up for him the night before.
Discipline was never the issue as Noah was aged between newborn and 9 months old so he had it easy in a lot of respects and hard in others as they cry a lot and need a lot of attention.

Like the other ladies have said I would sit down with him and decide between you what's best an if he continues to do this maybe look at him going out to work and you being the at home parent? Easier said than done though more than likely as of there are as little jobs over there as there are here!
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Mlwcjw
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PostSubject: Re: Mother and Father clash   Fri Jul 13, 2012 6:11 am

I ended up talking to him and things got better for like a day, diapers are changed today, but Michael had some pizza when I got home =\. In general I'm just at my wits end. Maybe I should just make him work and I go back to being stay at home mom.
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Charlotteb24
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PostSubject: Re: Mother and Father clash   Fri Jul 13, 2012 8:08 pm

What a nightmare for you! Sounds like maybe you should speak to him about how e feels about going back to work? If he's not going to put the effort in at home then you may as well swap rolls.
Does he do much with the kids during the day?
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