Did you breastfeed?

I tried to breastfeed Patrick when he was born. I exclusively pumped while he was in the NICU. The nurses there gave me nipple shields to try with him. Once he came home, he and I were doing pretty well with the nipple shields (so I thought). It appeared he was transferring, my engorgement would go down every feeding, and everything seemed to be going well. When he first came home, I pumped and nursed at every feeding. After awhile, I stopped pumping (my fridge and freezer was full)

We went to the pediatrician when he was 6 weeks for a weight check, and he had lost weight. They had me switch to bottle feeding what I had pumped. I was devastated. I still pumped every feeding, and found my supply was in the toilet. A week later, we went back for another check and had gained all the weight back plus some. I felt terrible. The pediatrician told me that we just didn't get a good latch because he was so early and didn't have good suck muscles to transfer enough. At this point, I was returning to work in two weeks and the pediatrician didn't think we would be able to get a proper latch without a LOT of help (which we couldn't afford) from a lactation consultant. He assured me that formula babies did just fine and now a days formula is very good.

Long story short, Patrick has been exclusively on Soy formula since he was 8 weeks. He is gaining weight in leaps and bounds and developing well.

However, at least here in the US, I am bombarded with statements like this, and this is on every formula can I buy: "IMPORTANT NOTICE: BREAST MILK IS BEST FOR BABIES". Laying awake last night, I decided to write my next blog post around this.

Lately, I've started to kick myself for not trying harder, not reaching out to the La Leche league, or even considering not returning to work earlier. (I worked for one week before deciding to give my 2 weeks notice). I think it's because everywhere I look, I read something about breastfeeding being the absolute best and doing less is not providing the best for your child. It really gets to me sometimes.

First of all can I just say a HUGE well done to you for sticking at it for so long with tricky being early and having to pump and freeze and use shields and everything. I didn't get that far. With Noah I didn't want to breast feed, my OH didn't want me to breast feed and I just didn't really worry about the whole Brest is best at the time and exclusively formula fed him. I felt guilty for not trying months down the line when nothing could be done about it.
With William I breast fed for approx 4 days, it all seemed to by going well when we were in hospital, but when I got home my latch wasn't great, my boobs were so sore, he wanted to feed all the time, OH still didn't really fully 100% support my decision so things didn't got too well. By night 4 it felt like someone stabbing me in the breast with a knife when feeding on both sides so I have OH a bottle and told him to feed William, I was gutted. I know I could have pumped or used shield but by then I was utterly exhausted with it l and just gave in. Again I've regretted it ever since.

The way I try and see it now is that I did what was best for us at the time. At the time decision was made, it was the right one and therefore it was in our best interest. It is better to have tried than to have not tried at all. Don't beat yourself up, it sounds like you did a fantastic job of giving tricky what he needed and you still are! Whether it's from a tin or your breast, you are feeding him.

In the UK we get formula Alwys has on it somewhere "to supliment breast feeding" or some sentence about how breast mill is best but not as obvious as how you discribed

I'm sorry this is long but I'm hoping my story will help you.

I can understand sooooo well were you're coming from. I was the kind of person who was dead set on breast feeding. I was pumped full of the "breast is best" information, including being told there's no such thing as an inability to breastfeed, simply a lack of trying.

I never even had bottles in the house because DF works nights and I didn't want the temptation there.

When Louis was born, I stayed in hospital for 2 nights due to breastfeeding issues. He wouldn't latch properly without a lot of repositioning and lots of in, out, in, out, shake it all about (lol). When he did eventually latch, he would bring it up almost straight away.

I was milked like a cow every 4 hours by a midwife to give Louis some by syringe and he'd still bring it all back up.

Eventually, the midwives had to convince me to bottle feed because Louis just wasn't getting the nutritions he needed. They said that my breast milk was simply too rich for him to handle.

So when I agreed to ff, I was devastated. I convinced myself I was a bad mum. Ended up with PND because I was still getting "breast is best" thrown at me from every angle.

To make things worse, it took 8 weeks for my milk to dry up! Poor Louis couldn't have cuddles with me without smelling it and crying for it. I could sit on the bed topless and collect 2oz in the space of about 10 minutes (there's a vid somewhere lol). When I asked on a forum I frequented at the time about helping to stop my flow, the replies were to make the most of having it and putting in the bottles for Louis.

I was judged by breastfeeding mums without them even asking why I went down the formula route.

Then I realised something. Breast might be best for most, but not for MY baby. He gained weight like a trooper once he went on formula and he's stayed in the 90th/95th centile since reaching it.

He's healthy, developing very well and most of all he's HAPPY! He's the biggest mummy's boy you'll ever meet so bonding was not reduced simply because he wasn't attached at my boobs for most his infant life AND he got to bond with his dad because he could feed him too!

It took time for me to accept that my chosen path was not Louis' but I now know that I did what I could for my child. Now I don't care what a baby's being fed as long as their being fed.

In theory, breast milk is best for babies- but the biggest thing to remember is that formula is not BAD for them! You all did what was best for your babies at the time and in your own situations-
There is such a stigma these days about BF- Time magazine hit it right on the head with the "Are You Mom Enough", in that we are all made to feel like to be a REAL woman we MUST breast feed, or we fail. But then we are ridiculed for nursing in public, cited for indecent exposure, and criticized for not stopping at a certain time or age. But to be a REAL woman, and to be mom enough, we need to acknowledge what is actually best for our children and provide it for them, even if it goes against the picture perfect ideal we had in our head.
I am taking the steps to become a lactation consultant through a program here called WIC (Women Infants and Children) that provides supplemental nutrition and food to pregnant or nursing moms and children under the age of 5. They advocate breast feeding when it's best. Which is absolutely how I think the verbiage should be, WHEN IT IS BEST! And I think part of being a lactation consultant should be knowing the right things to say to a mom who is disappointed about not BF, and counseling them through it- which is part of why I decided to do this. The other part being they have no consultants in my area versed on BF twins. I very much feel like I succeeded in BF twins, we did 50% BF 50% FF (I'll post more at another time about being the 50/50 mom ) for 6 months- they weaned them selves right at 6 months, and I didn't push the issue. I have gone over and over it in my head, wondering if I should have pushed to continue, and the ultimate conclusion is no. We did what was right for us.
Motherhood should be about listening to yourself, your instincts, and being in tune with what your children need. In Tricky's case, Patrick needed more nutrition so he could catch up, and Tricky needed to go back to work. AT THAT TIME it was absolutely the right decision to make! Just look at him He's a beautiful, fat, happy little baby <3 (yeah, I'm not in love with him or anything!) But the point being maybe if he had been born term, maybe if Tricky didn't go back to work, maybe if _______________ insert self doubt here. But all of that is just a MAYBE. Maybe things would have been exactly as they were. But I can tell you if she had been stubborn about it and not stopped BF, Patrick would have suffered for it(as we have unfortunately watched a friend do to her daughter) But Tricky looked at the situation and did what was right for him. And that is so very Mom Enough.

^^^ Very well put Heyy. Could have done with someone like you after my "not mum enough" moment.

So glad to have you on the board. I may end up harassing you when I have my next one as I plan on re-attempting BF.

Please, harass away
After I am certified I plan on making myself available for everyone on the board- for now, I just have plenty of friendly advice as someone who's been there

Good luck with your training heyy and I would love to hear more about how you managed to tandem nurse etc! Very well put and I love the phrase too

We attempted tandem nursing a few times- all of which ended with all three of us in tears Hence the 50% FF/BF I would nurse one and feed the other a bottle, then switch- If one was having a needy day I just FF the other- it always balanced out in the end

I breastfed Tom for 3 months and then couldn't take it any longer due to infection after infection. I was miserable and the fact Tom was stuck to my chest for most of that time didn't help.

With Amber I went straight to formula. I wasn't putting myself through the pain and misery again. I know some people do it and most actually enjoy it but not for me. My baby should be something that's enjoyed not looked at with dread every couple of hours.

DJ- I'm so sorry you had that experience- breast feeding can be a wonderful thing, for the child and for the mother- but you are right, if you hate every second of it, your baby will feel that- But keep in mind, if you decide to have any more kids, every baby is different. Give it a go, and there's no harm to switching out if it still just doesn't work for you. You could also pump and feed for the first month or two, when the antibodies are the strongest and most important in the breast milk, and then slowly switch to formula.

I have never breastfed, by choice but not only that i have rhesus antibodies (anti d and anti c) which would make baby very ill if i did breastfeed, i was formula fed and so was my brother (45) and my sister (55) none of us have been badly effected by it xx