In response to someone asking advice on how to explain to their husband not the spank a 9 month old, and the husband wanting to let said 9 moth old Cry It Out (CIO)
"Explain to your husband that spanking doesn't have a long term effect on the bad behavior, only a long term effect on his relationship with his child and a long term effect on the child's ego and psyche. At 9 months he just plain does not have the cognitive reasoning to connect the bad behavior with the act of spanking. Then explain to him that being a man, he is already large and intimidating. There is no reason to ever yell or hit, it's unnecessary. All it takes for him is to speak in a firm tone. We repeat the mantra around here "Firm, not mean" in reference to dogs, toddlers AND teenagers! lol He just needs to firmly say no and either remove the child from the situation or the situation from the child. Also, explain to him that it is against everything in you as a mother to have your child hit. And that as a mother your most natural instinct is to PROTECT your child. Don't come out and threaten him, but make it clear there are no lengths you will not go to for your kids, and that you need him to support you in this.
As for the CIO method, I abhor it! Put it to him this way- Psychologically, when you let an infant/small child CIO the ONLY reason they stop is not because the "learn to self settle" or or "figure it out themselves", it's because they give up hope that you are ever coming back. If that doesn't break your heart, I don't know what will."
